Busted

Last night I grabbed my guitar,
I'm afraid I'd had a few,
And decided to play something different,
Something excitingly new.
So, with muscles coiled and bunched,
I hammered out the chords,
I ran up and down the frets,
Dancing across the fret boards.
I played fast and with energy,
The sound was really smokin',
When everything abruptly ceased,
With three strings bent and broken.
The moral of the story's simple,
And take it to the letter,
Fast and hard can have it's place,
But cool and gentle's better.

True – my poor guitar. Still, I now have zippy new strings and the sound is so much brighter. It’s an ill wind …

Swimming

Charlie had a busy day ahead,
Teaching at a new school,
It seems her new principal is demanding,
And somewhat of a fool.
So, I packed the kids into the car,
We had to leave the house,
They would surely interfere,
They are louder than a mouse.
So, off we went to the shops,
Lunch was soon thereafter bought,
Shops were inspected for new toys,
And new gadgets also sought.
That soon got old for us all,
So, we thought we'd be cool,
We zipped across town immediately,
And sought refuge in the pool.
Soph dove for the first time,
I'm always proud of my daughter,
Erin amazes me constantly,
She now swims under water.
Soph taught herself somersaults,
Erin confident enough to jump in,
They delighted whoops filled the air,
With an infectious kind of din/
We were there for four hours,
And decided to set off home,
We had swallowed enough chlorine,
So back to Charlie we'd roam.
Erin fell asleep in her dinner,
Soph didn't last much longer,
What was a spur-of-the-moment trip,
Has made our love much stronger.

It’s all true – this was the nicest day. I saw my girls learn many new things and shared in their delight and self-esteem. I am continually provided with reasons why being a father is one of the best jobs on the planet.

Self-Belief

I have been eyeing off a song,
Written for the guitar,
It was a jumble of silly symbols,
It's been beyond my skill by far.
I've tried playing it from time to time,
But my best efforts it eluded,
It was far too technical and demanding,
Leaving me of confidence denuded.
So, I've been tinkering with other things,
Playing stuff from different bands,
Working on different techniques,
And blistering up my hands.
Until last night I was playing,
And came across the book,
I cracked that sucker open,
And took another look.
Now the tab made sense to me,
I'd played elements elsewhere before,
I ran it through from start to finish,
Charlie fell on the floor.
It seems that we can surprise ourselves,
Our triumphs thrown into sharp relief,
All it takes is a measure of confidence,
And a good dose of self-belief.

True – I’d always wanted to play Rammstein’s "Heirate Mich" (Marry Me) but thought it beyond me. I had been playing all sorts of other stuff and this gave me the skills I needed to play the other first time. It was a great feeling.

Lover

I met you in the darkness,
Saw the soft sheen on your skin,
Noted your serene and fluid movements,
And your eyes they drew me in.
Your form appeared to shift its shape,
With features so sublime,
You were the predator to my prey,
Your pursuit of me vulpine.
But I know I'm in thrall to you,
There will be no escape,
You're my vampire lover, baby,
My soul you chose to rape.
You take and take, then take some more,
You drain me to the last drop,
There's nothing left that was of me,
I pray that you'll never stop.
You say that I'm the same to you,
With a tone of hollow affection,
But I look into our future lives,
And of you there is no reflection.
You sleep away the daylight hours,
And come alive at night,
I come alive alongside you,
I quiver at your sight.
I know that you're not good for me,
You always ask for more,
But leaving I'll never contemplate,
I await what the future has in store.

I was watching "Blade 2" and was thinking about being in thrall to a vampire – what kind of dark love would that be? I moved the idea a bit sideways to reflect a domineering and encapsulating relationship – knowing it’s bad for you but not having the power to leave.

I'd Be

I'd be happy to listen to you,
If you had interesting things to say,
I'd be happy to be more attentive,
If you'd bothered to be at home today.
I'd be happy to massage your shoulders,
If you'd appreciate it,
I'd be happy to care about you,
If about me you gave a shit.
I'd be happy to teach you life lessons,
If them you'd agree to learn,
I'd be happy to pack your things,
If you'd promise not to return.

I was cranky with a demanding parent from school and transposed the anger to a relationship to make it more real – readers could identify with that subject better than a school parent. It’s about connecting with your audience. For example, if I wrote a poem on writing a school budget and made it factual, it would be a waste of time to show it to anyone. I would feel better and often write about something to get it off my chest or to make a decision or to convince myself that I’m doing the right thing - I’ve got over 2000 poems that I have written for myself that I won’t ever show anyone.

Of Anguish and Guilt

Adjacent are the gates of Hades
Tenuous wisps waft closer
Contaminating me with their corruption
And leaving me irrevocably tainted
I arrived alone and innocent
But now I have acquired companions
Anguish and Guilt eagerly embrace me
On my disastrous journey
They encourage me with deft support
Relishing my reluctant gait
Though knowing that this battle
Was won by them long ago
To my fate I shuffle amicably
Powerless to attempt dissent
Do not judge me for my weakness
And I'll not expose yours

I was thinking of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and for some reason got the Anguish and Guilt part. Why was I thinking of them? I think I was watching that Johnny Depp movie – is it called "The Ninth Gate"? Then came the idea of standing at the precipice of something awful and being judged for it. The poem was born.

The Trials of Nsliniuk

The Trials of Nsliniuk

Nsliniuk venrured over the icefields,
Jaoh at his side,
They trailed behgind them a b''ag
With a kofkak each inside.
They had ensured the nowd was ready,
The koigeong had indicated so,
So, using their humble qoieep,
Across the d'og they did go.
They forded the mighty qentib,
The wipbinov stared vacuously on,
Too wrapped up in their viuwen,
As all the piuvneq has long gone.
With their bwunn firmly set,
Adjustments to their ofnodug made,
And a noisy jijee for comfort,
Upon the ofnoisdod they always stayed.
Until the encountered an oigjeguhm,
Obviously uet and striated,
Bellowing it's mournful "wuut",
And with its "woid" it berated.
They primed their vijie carefully,
Stoked the wurt to the brim,
Pruqprehned it with vigilance,
And stuffed a nunquap in.
The sagqiab flew straight and true,
The divppergon did it's bit,
It struck the oigjeguhm in the gnuds,
And it's gnuduzuu flew out of it.
Our travelers harvested its guwee,
On the junduvud had a meal,
The jnungeung content did its job,
Warming them from jand to heel.
Forward past the majestic vupinp,
Leaving the epugpini far behind,
The stopped to admire the qerpuh,
And the way the pupivuqe lined.
Chased by a queegjinj they soon tired,
Overtaken by an unweng feeling,
They suffered from voannfivea fever,
Which sent their virigliva reeling.
Essence of quivaharihu did the job,
They whistled uvhvurp as they went,
Accompanied by a grapuhuh they brought along,
Away the pearb sickness was soon sent.
The yagfly buzzed around them thickly,
Their bavbeal noise most persistent,
Nsliniuk wished to igbilae,
About lielivilie he was insistent.
But Jaoh steadfast in his abibae,
Would bow to no bareer,
He knew the bloquewib was within reach,
And that it was rich in its fibwir.
So, with vigour they biarged on,
Their fuibal had been truly tried,
But they were not paying much giruten,
They fell of a ghiletyne and died.

This poem reminds me of "Jabberwocky", not because it's great, but because it employs nonsense words. Without looking, I hammered out a page of text. Then, I went through and kept anything that looked like a word. Keeping them in order, I put them into context as it came to me (ensuring that no nonsense word was at the end of a line too often, or else I'd have to rhyme with it).

Melting Moments

You look up at me with those great big eyes,
"Can you play with me?"
I cannot refuse your request,
Your delight's plain to see.
You smile at me and whisper,
"I love you, Dad."
You remind me that these moments,
Are the best I've ever had.
You lie in my arms and smile,
"You're the best Dad."
I'm honoured to be a parent,
And to make you happy, glad.
You come into the lounge asking,
"Can I use the bumbooter? (computer)"
I realize that some things are timeless,
Like not giving yourself a shitty word to rhyme with.

Tick

I found some ticks on our canines,
They made my flesh crawl,
They inspired such hateful emotions,
For being one so small.
I also wondered about the name,
Why would it be "tick"?
Awful blood sucking scumbag parasite,
Would surely do the trick?
But upon closer reflection it's appropriate,
"Terrible Insect, Can Kill",
Can also be shortened to TICK,
So I guess it fits the bill.

Hard Work will get You Anywhere

I've worked so hard to get ahead,
With pride my heart will swell,
If I can work as hard for a bit longer,
I'm sure to get a body as well.

In These Hands

My hands are an opera of pain,
The cuts and nicks are many,
I search for some healthy skin,
And cannot find any.
It seems I'm not indestructible,
This catches me by surprise,
In my youth I was intolerant,
Those "complainers" I despised.
When they spoke of their soreness,
After a day's work,
I thought them merely "soft",
And a kind of jerk.
Now I understand their perspective,
After a few hard days,
I see that there's another world,
And learnt the error of my ways.

An Ongoing Erection

For days now I've been building,
A yard for the family hounds,
We live on five unfenced acres,
When loose the dogs can't be found.
I reckoned carefully a good size,
Got prices from the local store,
Ordered it with great care,
This was to be a palace and more.
I measured the dimensions carefully,
Then did it twice,
This enclosure had it all,
It was going to be so nice.
I ensured there was shade aplenty,
And things for them to do,
A bored dog will go crazy,
The pass it on to you.
So, I bashed in posts and pickets,
Strung up 400 metres of wire,
Tied it off neatly and carefully,
Though rivers I did perspire.
I added the wire netting,
Tensioning it to perfection,
Tied it off strategically,
The result of meditative reflection.
I added a water area for frolicking,
And for the dogs to drink,
A dog house and a feeder,
And that was it, I think.
Then I added the dogs,
To their place of great expense,
One dog was very happy,
The other jumped THROUGH the fence.
The little bugger is quite small,
And nimble on his feet,
But he's smaller than I thought,
And can escape in a heart beat.
So, more wire will now be ordered,
Smaller stuff can be found,
And if that solution doesn't work,
I'll nail the little bastard down.

Body Piercing

Body piercing has been banned in schools,
With the exception of the ears,
If this wasn't done by us,
There'd be piercings in their rears.
Besides, the oldest of our kids is thirteen,
Really too young for such things,
Piercing has many decisions,
And the responsibilities that brings.
Although one child amused me recently,
Plain for all to see,
He had his eyebrow pierced,
Held open by a golf tee.
I called him into the office,
Inquired if he new the rules,
That piercings were not appropriate,
Did he think us fools?
"Oh no, Mr Ymir, I know you're not a fool,
But you have to see,
This is not a piercing,
It's just a golf tee."
Without warning I reached behind,
And put a ball on it's top,
I asked him not to tremble,
And for all movement to stop.
He smiled at me sheepishly,
And had seen the joke,
He thought it was ending there,
But there was still more fun to poke.
Then I grabbed a golf club,
See, I was ready for this guy,
I would up behind my head,
And was ready to let fly.
He jumped backwards in a flash,
The tee he pulled from his brow,
And our school piercing policy,
Is adhered to unquestioningly now.

Self-Help

I've decided to write a self-help book,
Slightly different - just a bit,
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -
Get Over It."

Again

Where have you gone today?
I wake up and you're not there
Again
Oh, I've found you
Withdrawn there
Or anywhere else like it
Again
I know you'll come out
When you're ready
Only to go back in
Again
But that's Ok too
We all have to find things
That define us
And give us purpose
But now you're out
Only to chastise me
Again
For not doing those things
That you used to do
Before you went in there
Again
I'll smile ruefully
And accept that this is now you
Whilst I long to hold the old you
Again
Just once
Like the way it was
Before you withdrew inside
Again
So, run back in there
Or find an invisible substitute
So you can revel the past
At the expense of the present
And our future
So, creep back in there
Or place like it
And come out when you're ready
But we won't be here
Ever again

Murphy was a Bastard

I was mowing our 5 acre block,
Just yesterday,
When Murphy's Law came visiting,
In a rather big way.
We have a small tractor,
For without it mowing is a chore,
However, I quite like the solitude,
As I fly around full bore.
But I was in the farthest corner,
And no matter how I tried,
The tractor gave a few strangled coughs,
Then gurgled badly, then died.
I tried to restart the machine,
All to no avail,
I tried all the bush mechanic tricks,
But death did still prevail.
I trudged back to the house,
To get every single tool,
I trudged back to the tractor,
But I still looked like a fool.
There was nothing left but to strain,
Shoulder to the wheel,
Pushing the heavy mongrel tractor,
Face set hard as steel.
Over hummock and undulation,
Through the long grass and the short,
It took me over an hour,
But success and I can report.
My question is simply this,
"Why must the worst happen precisely,
At exactly the worst moment?"
Can you answer concisely?
At least when the mechanic came,
It wasn't easily repaired,
For if it was something silly on my part,
My embarrassment couldn't be compared.

Same Difference

I ask my 3 year old what she wants to eat,
Each day it is the same,
When it comes to doing things differently,
"Not" is her name.
The same thing each day for breakfast,
For lunch it is the same,
The same clothes day after day,
"Stinky" could be her name.
But she's saved by the laundry,
And planning far ahead,
As she watches the same DVD yet again,
The same pillow under her head.
As adults we seek out new experiences,
To keep us from getting bored,
Whilst children seek out the familiar,
And newness is abhorred.
It's interesting how we change,
As the years flash past,
So, do we protect our infants from change?
Or embrace the fact that nothing lasts?

You’re Away

The clock echoed with impunity,
The seconds from the start,
Reminders of the time we spent,
Marking the time we’re apart.
The tap drips with a hollow sound,
Like minutes down the drain,
Like a precious resource wasted,
Like a conduit to my pain.
Come and hold my hand again,
Come and share your smile,
Come and let me hold you close,
Chase the demons away for a while.

Sensuous Meandering

I see you waiting across the room,
And remember our last embrace,
Your lusciously rounded body accentuates,
Your radiant, glowing face.
The last time you were in my arms,
We rocked each other's worlds,
I was left sore and exhausted,
You cried tears of pearls.
I move towards you hesitantly,
And wonder if you've thought of me,
You show no recognition,
Well, none that I can see.
I hold out one trembling hand,
And run it down your neck,
I'm greeted with no movement,
It's not what I expect.
You're body's cold and unyielding,
And brusque to the touch,
You haven't bothered to call me,
Although I did expect as much.
But, I still sweep you up,
Whenever I get the chance,
And throw you upon my body,
And we'll do that special dance.
The music that we make together,
Takes my spirit far,
For, you're all that I expect of you,
Seeing you're simply my guitar.

Communing with Nature

I am alone in this stinky room,
None can be seen by me,
Although I have a tree outside,
For some company.
I wave and the tree ignores it,
I think that's rather slack,
Some wind comes and it reconsiders,
And decides to wave back.
What did I learn form this experience?
Wind is your friend.
It allows the inanimate to be friendly,
And here's the message I will send:
Pass wind in public often,
You'll have more friends than you thought,
But a word to the wise here:
Just don't get caught.
(Or, better still, blame someone else.)

Television Negotiation

The TV is waiting expectantly,
For the next program to be chosen,
But our family is in deadlock,
The negotiations have frozen.
Ymir wants to watch some sport,
S.E.H. wants to see a cartoon,
Cranki wants the Spiderman DVD,
No decision will come soon.
SO, Ymir flicks the telly off,
And is greeted with much disgust,
"Let's seek an alternate arrangement,
You can come up with one, I trust?"
Charlie does some scrapbooking,
S.E.H. does some drawing,
Cranki plays with her doll house,
All activities are far from boring.
Ymir smiles at his family,
And gives a derisive snort,
They are all suck suckers,
Now he can watch some sport.

Secret Daddy Powers

Charlie had left to do some shopping,
She would be gone for hours,
This instils in me very special,
Secret Daddy Powers.
The girls and I get up to mischief,
They choose some interesting things,
I see the world anew through them,
My heart it surely sings.
They choose the sugary things to eat,
And those high in saturated fat,
I come along for the ride too,
Happy to be involved with that.
They choose interesting DVDs to watch,
Some we've seen before,
The awful bits can be skipped,
As can those that bore.
We ride our bikes around the property,
Play with the family hounds,
We roll around the carpet giggling,
Our silliness knows no bounds.
We marvel at the spider webs,
Look for shapes in flowers,
We look up the names of the birds we meet,
That sing for us for hours.
I know this sounds a trifle boring,
But to this silly old fart,
This is the meaning of our lives,
And it keeps me young at heart.

200 Millimetres

I have 200 millimetres
I hold it in my hand
If you also have such a sausage
I know you’ll understand.
I like to stroke it appreciatively
It gives me pleasure – lots
On the bbq with the other meat
Like steak, kebabs and chops.

Anti-climaxes

I’ve heard about anti-climaxes
And how they leave your nerves grating
I’ve been working on an anti-climax
But I’m disappointed to still be waiting.

Blue Loo

We put blue cleaner in the toilet
The most vibrant colour ever seen
Now I like to drink a lot
And try to turn it green…

Advice

Stuff arriving at the door,
From car parts to undies to minks,
To false teeth to bikes to plastic chickens,
Don’t go on eBay after drinks.

Following the Doctor

The doctor said I should contain
My drinking woes
For soon I would have alcohol
Coming from my nose.
He suggested I only have
Two drinks every day
I agree whole-heartedly
But this I have to say:
I bank them up for Saturday night
Enough to get me screaming
I ensure I get my quota
And so I drink fourteen.
And each drink is now measured
With great and deliberate care
So that it’s now exactly a litre
On the floor – find me there.

Too

Too lonely to be happy
Too drunk to care
Too self-absorbed to be worried
Too apathetic to even care
Too tired to be bothered
Too cynical to believe
Too narrow to take a side
Too one-eyed to clearly see

Daughter Number 2

With fresh eyes I saw you,
In the light of day,
I remembered how much you mean to me,
And this I have to say:
With each breath I rejoice,
That you I got to know,
And each second that we spend together,
Means for you my love will grow.
Your smile lights my world a little,
Your laugh makes me lighter,
Your kooky way of seeing things,
Makes everything much brighter.
So thanks for the little things,
For taking an old man’s hand,
For encouraging me to be so much more,
And to be a better man.

Football Remarks

You’ll see how flat they are attacking,
They look good the Tigers,
Nonetheless he went close to scoring,
They’re all so very big.
Right before us was the miracle ball,
It’s hit the deck a dozen time,
They were going on the front foot,
With the no look pass to the right.

I wrote these down as I heard them while watching football – nothing special, juts the 8 lines I heard after I wrote each one down. Interesting.

Bias

I’ve been a bit biased lately,
Telling tales of cars so old,
But don’t get the message wrong,
If I could be so bold.
New cars are things of beauty,
They are efficient, powerful and clean,
The can eat up the highway,
At a rate never before seen.
But just as I get Marilyn Manson,
And a fondness for bourbon I have grown,
Your taste is simply your taste,
And my taste is all my own.