Shopping Trolley

We had some grocery shopping to perform,
We needed milk, meat and bread,
Toilet rolls, detergent and shampoo,
And some aspirin for my head.
My children were appropriately excited,
To at the shops to be back,
So, we ambled to the entrance,
To get a trolley from the rack.
This trolley looked so meek and mild,
Quiet in itself,
But it was possessed by Satan,
The Prince of Darkness himself.
It leapt at the merest touch,
And strained to be set free,
It bucked and pulled and jerked,
Eager to dominate me.
It struck a blow to tins of tuna,
Packed in a pyramid,
People accused me of knocking them down,
I said, "Satan did!"
It swerved across the polished floor,
Slaloming down the aisle,
It chased and rammed a little old lady,
And sent her sprawling for a mile.
It lurched through the frozen foods,
Doing slides and skids,
Inappropriately touching all young mothers,
And injuring their kids.
It broke the containers in its basket,
And in my arms it did flail,
The contents of our trolley spilled forth,
Leaving a treacherous trail.
The manager came forth in challenge,
And took a mighty leap,
The trolley caught her in mid air,
And left her in a heap.
The security guard drew his weapon,
And was to shoot to kill,
The trolley dodged every salvo,
With its demonic skill.
It grabbed all sorts of items,
Condoms and ice cream,
Rectal lotion and internal lubricant,
And all manner of feminine hygiene.
It raced through the checkout lanes,
It's cackles ringing far,
It sped through the car park,
And stopped beside my car.
The SWAT team had then arrived,
And spilled forth from their van,
The trolley leapt and attacked,
Leaving it looking like an old can.
The army thundered onto the scene,
With tact and careful steppin',
They captured the trolley alive,
To use as a secret weapon.
I surveyed the debris all around,
Checked my kids, and then,
Both of them smiled and asked,
"Dad, can we do that again?"

Whilst probably not possessed to the same extent, the trolley that we used was pretty bad. It wanted to go left all of the time and the heavier it got, the worse its misbehaviour became, so I ended up turning it on a 45 degree angle and pushing it that way.